Apocalypse Podcast Part 2

The surprising second part to the apocalypse podcast Crystal and I did on the 21st! I'm uploading this just before I leave town to visit some friends for the New Year! Happy rest of the Holidays to everyone!

Apocalypse Podcast part 1!

In this podcast,
Crystal and Matthew discuss the impending doom of Earth, post its actual happening! In addition, there exists a delightful mix of other topics, as is customary with The Matthew and Kallie Show. Think of it as a Christmas Gift, you're welcome!

Wall of Stuff and Life Update

Hello everyone! So just so you all know, finals week blah blah blah refer to Matthew's post.
I moved back down to the basement and with me moved the Wall of Stuff! Featured in the video is Crystal!

Life Update!

From Kallie and Matthew,

This past week has been very stressful, both personally, and I think the rest of the country. For anyone that does not reside in the United States, the massacre in Sandy Hook was catastrophic and certainly has affected the nation. In personal business, Kallie and I, both enrolled in college, are finishing our finals. Between keeping up with the families of the children and college we've both been busy. I feel so bad for the families devastated by the shooting. The children victimised by it are not able get to enjoy the holidays their families planned for them. It is just tragic to think about. As for the gun-control legislation that has sprung from this scenario, I find it tragic that more attention is put on that than the massacre. As for my thoughts on it: I think that there will be no easy answer for gun-control, but one thing is for sure, we live in much too violent a country. Many things need to change. I myself have never owned, or even held a gun, my family doesn't have any; I was always taught pacifism. My absolute sympathy to those affected.

My Life In Jenna Marbles Gifs

Every morning I wake up.

And then I get all ready and schtuff

 and get in my car to go to school.

And then I sit in class all day.

Then I eat lunch.

And while I eat I judge the girls in the lunch room.

Then I get sad because I don't look like them.

And then I get home and sit on the couch.

And watch sappy romance movies.

And then I crawl into bed alone.

And then I realize something.

Because no one will ever love me. :(

Just kidding, lots of people love me. <3

Special Edition of Kallie Ranting

Hello boys and girls, welcome to a special edition of Kallie's rants.

Gentlemen: If you're dating this girl and you claim to love her a lot, DO NOT DUMP HER BY DELETING HER ON FACEBOOK. If you have the balls to say you love her, you have the balls to dump her to her face, or even over the phone, or even text. Just as long as it's direct and not all "beating around the bush" we don't really care. But when you delete us on facebook, we can't be responsible for how mad or upset we get. Because we could be mad enough to tell everyone about it. And then you look like a toolbox. Because you are.

Ladies: If a guy dumps you via some sort of social network in an indirect fashion, he was an asshole to begin with and really isn't worth your time. But that doesn't mean we won't be unbelievably angry. Which we are. Because seriously, grow a pair, man up and dump her using the words, "I think we should break up." But ladies, the same also applies to you. Don't dump your boyfriend in some stupid indirect fashion. Because even if they don't let on, it still hurts their feelings. Let's not be feeling hurts *sarcasm*.

If you guys couldn't tell, I just got dumped over facebook. Yeah. We had a slight argument today, but he was all like, "I still love you blah blah blah." and I was like, "Yeah we're all good now blah blah blah love and stuff." and then he ditched me after school. I come home and he has deleted me on facebook and posted a status about how crazy girls are. I'm not low so I'm not going to do something stupid like post a status about him. I just blocked him and I intend to go one with my life, but SERIOUSLY?! After three months you could at least have the decency to say it to my face. I'm not saying three months is forever but it's long enough to have to not be a jerk about it. Honestly I expected more from this guy. He actually was a nice guy to me and very understanding and caring until he wasn't, and then he just turned into a douche. I'm not gonna waste a lot of time being upset about this. If he's gonna break up with me by doing that, he's not worth being upset over. No guy is worth being upset over. So I'll go to school tomorrow and face him and not even bat an eyelash because he's not worth my time.

Okay my rant is over now. I feel better. I am now going to go study for finals!

Much love. <3

The Story Of How Matt Was An Accessory To The Death of My Camera

Hello all! :) Today I'm going to tell you about how Matt inadvertently killed my camera!
We were at our state fair and Matt was like, "OMG WE HAVE TO GO ON THIS SUPER AWESOME RIDE!!!" So this ride is a water ride, but you never get wet. You just sit in little boats and go through some boring tunnels.
So as we get on this ride, Crystal and I have our phones/cameras in our pockets with Matthew's assurance that we would never get wet.
Oh how wrong he was.
So in the middle of this tunnel, our boat stops and we get rammed from behind. After that we kept moving along... Until we got to the part where the boat went up a little conveyer belt hill.
And then the water came flooding in the back. Now we were kinda stuck under an arch. The front half of the boat was out, and Crystal and I were like trapped in the back. So the water comes rushing in and Crystal and I instantaneously jump up because OUR ELECTRONICS!!! The ride officials started screaming at us to sit down and I believe the words out of my mouth were, "Hell no, get me off this thing!" or something like that. So they yell at us to sit down and that's when I noticed my entire lower half was soaked in dyed blue water. Then all of a sudden we were quite literally manhandled out of there.
Long story short, my phone and most important my camera were screwed, I cried for a while, demanded a refund and now I am camera-less.

So Matt... You're technically an accessory to murder.

C'est la semaine finale à mon université!

I wrote the title in French parce que j'ai un examen de française! Anyway, if you are so confused, translate the French bits into English. Instead of having a scary story, which I will record tonight, but won't be out until tomorrow, I am going to post some horrifying images I found on Reddit. I hope you don't plan on sleeping tonight!! You're welcome!

Podcasturday!!

SATURDAYSATURDAYSATURDAYSATURDAYSATURDAY!!!

My hope is to distract you into thinking that it is Saturday and that I'm not a day late, is it working?

Anyway, the podcast this week is one in which I test Kallie and Crystal on their knowledge of American Citizenshipness. Let's just say that if they were foreign, they most likely would fail the test. Near the end, we just talk about random stuff, but that is also funny. You'll hear Crystal's mom in the podcast, don't be alarmed. Aslo, the barking is to protect our identity. ENJOY!!!

I Quit

Hello All, Kallie here.
So for the last week I've been miserably sick with god knows what (something that makes it impossible to get out of bed for more than 2 hours and then possible to sleep for another twelve thereafter). I'm still not feeling any better but now they've got me on antibiotics (yay drugs)!
I also quit my retail job. THANK. GOD.

It's TTUUEESSDDAAYY!!!!

Happy Tuesday, you guys know the drill by now.

The scary story this week is in serial form with the next part coming out, next week. It is about a man named Harold who recounts his experiences at the Battle of Somme in WWI. I'm having thoughts of doing more serial style stories. They usually tend to be better in the long run. Maybe we could read some actual books, granted they would have to be in the public domain. Something pulls me toward Bram Stoker's book 'Dracula'. Maybe a possibility. Enjoy!

Podcast Saturday and Flying Squirrel Massacres!

Hi guys, Happy Saturday, thank you for the 1,000 page views. As you guys know, it is the day that our podcast comes out, so the box audio file, below, is where you can listen to that. It is about Birthday presents, geocaching, Lincoln, and flying squirrels. I regret to announce that during the podcast a flying squirrel lost its life. I'll clarify: the squirrel didn't need to die for the podcast, but Crystal was having problems with them at her house. One crossed her mother and found itself dead. His name was Hubert. As you can see, I have also linked a video about geocaching, check it out it is very good.

1,000 Pageviews!!

I think we may surpass 1,000 pageviews today. Again, we will announce anyone that puts us over the top. If you think that you are they person that does, comment on this post. Also, I realise that one visit can vciew many pages, so the visit count is at 326. Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone for their continued support of the blog. There will be a new podcast out tomorrow, in which Crystal and I talk about our Thanksgiving and flying squirrels. I know that the last post said that it was going to be the Citizenship Podcast, but that has changed. Anyway, thanks again!

Scary Story Tuesday!

This week's scary story is called, 'I was here', and includes a rogue maple tree. Have fun listening!

Happy Saturday!

For those that live in America, or who celebrate American holidays: Happy Thanksgiving!
To celebrate, I've decided to release the second part of mine and Crystal's election cast. The next podcast will be Kallie and Crystal answering the U.S. Citizenship test. It will be very funny.

Happy Holiday Season

Whether you did or did not indulge in the most consumerist holiday of the year (either Thanksgiving or Black Friday) one thing is for sure, the two holidays, despite one's superior authenticity over the other, mark the beginning of the American holiday season, only to end when the New Year begins. I usually am not very sentimental, or very family-orientated, but I find myself strangely excited for the upcoming holiday season. As for the point of this message: Mainly it is intended as a wish that you have a Happy Holiday Season. Thanksgiving for me, Matthew, was lovely. I imagine Kallie's was the same. We both, most likely, had lovely times with our families and close friends. So, in conclusion, Happy Holidays, from us, to you.

Kallie Plays...

So I'm thinking I'm gonna start a series called Kallie Plays... And in this case it will be Kallie Plays Minecraft. So stay tuned for that. Yuppers. <3

Happy Scary Story Tuesday!

Happy Tuesday!


We are indeed getting very close to Thanksgiving, which is exciting for at least the reason that we get off work and college. Another thing to get excited about is the scary story! YAY!

WHY.

Seriously, I cannot for the life of me think of anything to talk about. Sorry. Crystal and I went geocaching. Yup. Seriously that's about it.

Podcast with Crystal part 1 and Announcements!

Happy Friday, Everybody.

I was at a dinner party last night which is why I wasn't able to upload a Thursday segment, so to make up for that, I am releasing the first part of mine and Crystal's Election Podcast. Also, last night, we got our first real comment (from an outsider). So thanks, for that. Also we've exceeded 3/4 of a thousand page views. I would've never guessed there would have been so much progress made in such a little amount of time. Both Kallie and I are very excited about this. Let's keep going guys, we need to get to one thousand!!

We're one month old!!!

I counted today, and we are one month old, or a couple of days off. Anyway, it remains quite a momentous day. To celebrate, here is a cupcake, with a candle in it. If that isn't enough celebration, then I would suggest making your own little cupcake and celebrating the occasion that way. If you do, take a picture of said cupcake and send it in to us. There will be more material out tonight so watch for that. I'm so excited for our two month birthday!!

Hungry!

Yes, it is scary story Tuesday Wednesday. I'm a day late. This weeks story is titled "Hungry" It was actually not that bad, especially for its rating.

Sorry, no scary story!

Studying for a test tonight, no scary story, feel free to find one yourself by going to shortnscarystories.com
Also, if you need some Tuesday Night Horror, then watch this intro Which is a part of a bigger series and also apart of CGP Grey's Favourites. Also, I most definitely will have a scary story up tomorrow. Sorry sorry sorry.

Eh.

I'm feeling incredibly uninspired and therefore cannot think of freaking anything to blog about. Seriously. I can't think of any advice to offer or any stories to tell or anything and it's kinda annoying. Just saying.
Random tidbit: Your foundation should match your chest, and you should blend that color in to your neck and jawline and your face.
But besides that, I really cannot think of anything else to say.
God this is frustrating.

Podcast Episode II

Happy Saturday!

Here is the next part of the podcast with Emmi.

Enjoy

Happy Friday!!

Happy Friday!!

The third episode of me talking about my school life.....

I'm sick. BROHOOF!!

Hello friends,

This is Matthew, I have been feeling ill the last couple of days, so I did not post a recording on Thrusday. For this I am very sorry. I will be posting it tonight, I promise. Until then enjoy these brohoof pictures.

Happy Election Day

Also happy scary story Tuesday, We've moved on to a different, shorter story called The Black Mask.
It is very spooky. Enjoy!

Happy Guy Fawkes Day!!

To anyone British, I want to wish a happy and fun Guy Fawkes Day/Night. As I remember, Guy Fawkes Night was when Guy Fawkes tried to blow up the English Houses of Parliament with important and noble dignitaries inside. As I am not British, however, I don't know why it happened. Most definitely some demonstration. Anyway have fun lighting fireworks and sparklers tonight. Again, this is a British holiday, but a very important British holiday. Almost their equivalent to Independence Day. Also, eligible American voters: Remember to Vote!!!

Podcast with Emmi!!

Here is the next podcast with Matthew and Emmi, who guest co-hosted with me. We had a lot of fun talking about current happenings, floods, and other important things. As well as taking Nerimon's youtube tag survey.

My Rant's A Day Late, Sue Me

I actually really don't have much to complain about...

Next time you come into my store looking for perfume, LEAVE YOUR MARITAL ISSUES OUTSIDE.

I'm gonna censor this story the best I can, okay? I apologise in advance for any adult themes.

So it's 8:40 at night and we close in twenty minutes. It's me, my manager and a few customers. This lady walks in all freaking happy as can be and stuff, and she goes, "I'm looking for perfume!" so I directed her to the perfume racks, and as she got there her phone started ringing. So she answers it with a lovely, and I quote, "What the *bleep* do you want, John?"

Now allow me to clarify, it's not as if she said this quietly. 

So then John said something and she responded with, "*BLEEP* JOHN. You're not coming home tonight!"

And then John said something and she literally screamed, "WHY DON'T YOU STAY WITH THAT STUPID *BLEEP*."

So then John said something back and she sighed dramatically and was like, "You have FIFTEEN *BLEEPING* MINUTES to get your *bleep* clothes out of MY CLOSET. And you CANNOT SEE THE KIDS."

So at this point it was kind of funny in a disturbing way and I was laughing so hard I was about to cry. But at the same time it was upsetting because there were KIDS IN THE STORE.

And then she said, "It has been like this ever since we were dating!! It was always on again off again and you cheated on me every FUCKING WEEK."

So then John said something and she said, "TOO *BLEEPING* LATE. I ALREADY TOLD THE KIDS HOW MUCH OF A CHEATING *BLEEPING* SCUMBAG *BLEEP* SUCKER THEIR DAD IS." Exact words. Swear to God.

So then John said something and the lady goes, "It's none of your *bleeping* business what I'm *bleeping* buying you *bleep*! As far as I'm concerned, we're not *bleeping* married anymore!"

So now my poor manager is checking the lady out while she's cursing out her husband over the phone. I felt really bad at this point because mothers were quite literally covering their children's ears. No joke. 

And then John said something really long and she said, and I quote, "YOU CAN TAKE THAT FAKE APOLOGY AND SHOVE IT RIGHT UP YOUR HAIRY *donkey for all intents and purposes*. JUST LIKE THE *blanketyblankblank." I appreciated the Mean Girls reference.

So her whole rant ended in her screaming that she wanted a divorce and she left the store.

PLEASE KEEP YOUR ISSUES AWAY.

College Story Thursday!!

It's Thursday!!

It's also time for "Matthew Talks about his college life" So here is this week's segment.




Until Thursday, Matthew

Scary Story Tuesdays!

Happy Tuesday Everybody!

To make your Tuesday a little better, I will release the second part (of many) of the scary story segment. I know it's a gripping story!

Advice Mondays

Hello boys and girls, today we will be exploring the depths of the universe.
Just kidding, we're talking about leggings. For those of you who don't know:

Those are leggings. Simple enough.

Now, let us begin:

How To Wear Leggings:

Option 1:

And that's it. This is the ONLY ACCEPTABLE WAY TO WEAR LEGGINGS. THAT IS IT THAT IS IT THAT IS IT. Long shirt/dress, some sort of shoes. 

And now for comparison...

HOW NOT TO WEAR LEGGINGS. EVER. EVER. 

Example 1: 

NO. NO. NO. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR BUTT.

Example 2: 

I just feel like this is self explanatory...

Example 3:

Just... Just no...

In conclusion...

Ladies, I am sick of seeing this. Either but on a pair of jeans or a long shirt, but do NOT wear your leggings like pants. They ARE NOT PANTS. ARE. NOT. PANTS. I don't wanna see anymore saggy buttcheeks or cameltoe. Understand?

Good.

<3 Kallie

Halloween Party Vlog!

Hello boys and girls, it's Kallie! So we (meaning Matthew and I) attended a Halloween party tonight and we went as... *drumroll* Prince William and Kate Middleton with my sister accompanying as Pippa Middleton!
Please enjoy the copious amount of pictures and take them as an apology for the lack of podcasts. I say again, bite me. ;)

Retail Rants

Hey guys. So I work retail. I like my job a lot. I do not like, however, being cussed out by customers for doing my job. I beg of you, if you are going shopping somewhere, please be kind to the sales associates. We're only doing our job, and the last thing we need is your awful attitude. I'm serious, can it. And besides, the meaner you are to us, the less we care about your needs. Freaking annoying. So just keep your attitude to yourself. Also, when you bring Little Johnny into a store, make sure he doesn't FREAKING TIP OVER OUR ORGANISED PUT-BACK RACK. SERIOUSLY. ANNOYING. And then don't you DARE blame me for it. Control your child; We're not babysitters.
<3 Kallie

Annoying Facebook Posts

Hi guys,

It's Thursday, which means that I need to share stories of things that I don't like about my college/ weird things that happen at my college. Which I will do with a recording. But, I would like to also share a different pet peeve of mine that doesn't have to do with college. It is people who continuously post their view on facebook with either a lot of posts, or with posts that have really awful and disturbing images. Here's what I mean:

It's alright to have views, even alright to express them, but if you do so with profane or disturbing imagery than I think that is going too far. Example: Supporters of stopping animal abuse don't need to put pictures of dogs that have huge, gaping wounds from abuse, or that are missing legs, etc. The same goes for supporters of pro-life, which it's fine for them to support that, but putting pictures that show an aborted fetus does not change the views of pro-choice supporters. Pro-choice supporters support choice, not necessarily the operation.

Another thing that annoys me is when people continuously post pictures and propaganda images on their wall (or on someone else's) on a regular or daily basis. Not only annoying, but it is also kind of sell-out-y. If you know what I mean. Facebook pages that are in support of businesses are usually avoided for the reason that they repetitively post promos and business events. If you consistently and more than once daily post propaganda images I can pretty confidently promise you that you will also be avoided because it is annoying.

Anyway here's an image I thought wrapped up my points well. 

Matthew

Donald Trump Is A Jerk

Firstly, watch this. Then come back.

Okay, now that you've watched it...
Donald Trump is an asshole, but not because of all the political stuff. I'm talking about the fact that he's HOLDING MONEY OVER THE HEAD OF A CHARITY AS A BRIBE. He's a complete loser and always has been, but this is such a low move it makes me kinda angry.
I don't know. Thoughts, Matthew?

Day Behind, Blame Me

Alright, we're a day behind. My fault, I had stuff I was doing yesterday. As opposed to Kallie Reads Craigslist, here's Matt's scary story segment that shoulda been up yesterday but wasn't.
Bite me.

We're soo close....

Hi guys,

I just want to say that who ever tops us over 300 pageviews will be mentioned on our next post. Considering that  you are a human and not a robot. If you do put us over the 300 mark, write us a comment please.

Thank you,
Matthew

Romney's Horses and Bayonets

Hi guys,

I just got done watching the third and final presidential debate. I must say that it was very good. I hope that many of you also got to see. It would be a shame if someone would have missed the many eloquent sayings of both candidates (Romney in particular). I just want to share, briefly, the saying that I found the funniest and also the most truthful. "We also have fewer horses and bayonets than we did in 1916, because the nature of our military has changed..." That quote, by far, was my favourite. Not only because it was witty by Obama, but also because it is true. Gone are the days in which we have to outnumber our enemies, now it is about outsmarting them, something I think we can do while still spending less on the military. After all, the military is the one sole thing that America spends most of its money on. Anyway, Kallie and I will be discussing this memorable debate on the next podcast and maybe we will even post more about our political ideas as the elections come nearer and nearer. It may be useful to have the opinion of two college kids with you when you vote.